Thursday, June 19, 2003

sigh. my dad might come home. I am not terrified, but hopeful. hopeful that something might happen.
I guess I should start at the beginning. well, my report card came yesterday, and my dad found out today. my mom told him about an hour ago. she told him my grades. my failing grades that haunt me day and night. I guess I deserve what I have coming, but I want to know what is going to happen. my dad is going to be pissed enough to do anything, and I want to make the most of it. I want to run away. I want to do something. I want him to see. I don't know what is going to happen, but I guarantee that something will. whether my dad comes home or not. we shall see waht happens. I want to decide what path my life is going to take today, though. I want to get my GED and go to community college in San Luis Obispo. that's what I want, i think. either that or stay at home and go to high school, but I am pretty sure that that is out of the picture already. i just don't know where my life will take me these next few days as I sort my life out. it sucks, you know? getting bad grades, whether on purpose or not, when your dad is a type a+++ person; doctor, multiple degrees and residencies, etc... is not the way to go. but you know what? i am immune to him for the most part. he will come home, be it today or tomorrow or next week, and i will not care what he says. i realize that i need to stand up for myself. i can't keep letting him run my life. i need to argue, put up a fight. not just let him take me to military school or whatever it is he wants me to do. i have so many frustrations. the only way i can escape them is when i am driving or when i am with my friends. (you know who you are) or on a computer. that too. but all i know is that my life is going to change in the next few days, and it is exciting, but scares the fuck out of me.